Fifty Shades of the Twilight Universe
by GetReal77
Summary: Crack fic. I can't promise anything.
1. Chapter 1

_I'd never given much thought to how I would die—even though I'd had reason enough in the last few months—but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this._

__Oh wait... what? LOL

Owned by SMyer, Icy and EL James.

This is going to be a crack fic. You can laugh...or not...


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews and PM's, they made my day!

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><p>"And what is it that you do?" he asked as he stared at me so intensely it felt like he was staring through me.<p>

"I'm a writer," I responded meekly. "Or, I try to be."

I chuckled, giving him a shy smile before I looked away, out the large window behind his desk.

His name was Edward Grey and his presence alone evoked a feeling inside me that I just couldn't ignore. One look into his overwhelmingly seductive hazel eyes and a glance at his messy bronzed hair and I was smitten, my inner angel doing the fucking shimmy inside my head.

"A writer? Are you published?"

As he waited for me to respond, I watched as his eyes moved all over my face, down my neck and to my throat. He licked his lips quickly then lifted his gaze back to mine, tilting his head to the side waiting for me to respond. I tried my best to beat my inner angel down with a stick.

"Oh, um, no. I'm not. It's still a work in progress, which is why I need another job. Hopefully here."

He looked down at my resume that he held in his hand, silently looking it over again and again. I shifted nervously in my seat, my inner angel pleading with me to just get on my knees under his desk.

"You're aware of the duties of this job, Miss Steele?"

"Yes," I responded quickly. "And please, call me Bella."

"And you know that you will be at my beck and call, for anything that I may need?"

I got the feeling that he was warning me, telling me that I was basically giving up my entire life for him and his needs, and that I should be fucking nuts to want to do such a thing, but I didn't care. That horny little bitch angel inside me wanted to throw myself at his feet.

"That's fine," I responded, trying not to seen excited.

Silence danced in the room around us as he sat, considering me, as I gaped at him openly. This was going to be so much fun.

"Fine. I'll have the contract sent over to your place and you'll need to sign that before we go any further."


	3. Chapter 3

Cheers to all the have read this.

Enjoy this latest bit.

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><p>I received my email from Edward Grey almost as soon as I walked back into my apartment. I was impressed by his punctilious behavior; part of me was slightly concerned that I had just applied to be the personal assistant to a majorly obnoxious ass.<p>

I sat down at my computer, opening up the email and praying my nerves were wrong.

_From: Edward Grey; CEO Get Real Inc._

_To: Bella Steele_

_Subject: Contract._

_Ms. Steele,_

_Please read and print out a record of this contract for your personal persons. I will have you sign it when you return to my office. If you chose to continue, please come sign the printed copy I have awaiting your arrival with my Secretary._

_CC_

I clicked the attachment, noting the tone of his words. Maybe this guy was going to be icy and cold. It was obvious that he thought he was the master of his own universe. My inner angel sat on my shoulder and pouted.

Reading the opening words of the contract, my eyes went wide.

"_Temporary Consensual "Master Contract" and Negotiated Boundaries Contract for the Enslavement Term."_

Master Contract? I thought to myself as I took a sip of coffee. If this Grey guy thought he was going to get me to call him Master, he had another thing coming. I don't care how hot he is.

"_This the _ day of _, 19_, at _:_ am / pm _. entire three (3) contract package is known as the Enslavement Documents._

_Of my own free will, I _, herein known as the slave, hereby grant you, _, herein known as the master, full ownership, care and use of both the slave's body and mind as of_

_the _ day of _, 19_, at _:_ am / pm _,__  
>until<br>_

_This period of time will herein be known as the enslavement term."_

"What the fuck?" I muttered to myself. Who was this guy kidding?

Slave? He considered me his slave? I know that a personal assistant is nothing glamorous, but come on; this kind of degradation was on a whole other level.

I snorted. "Full ownership, care and use of both the slave's body and mind." Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, asshole.

I made a note in my mind to write about this later on tonight, when this has been resolved.

"_The slave will strive diligently to re-mold the slave's body, habits, and attitudes in accordance with the master's desires. Also, the slave agrees to change the slave's actions and speech to express the slave's changed habits and attitudes."_

I leapt from my chair, spilling my coffee over the side of my desk. Changing my body? Who the fuck did this guy think he was? I was not his property in any way, and he had no right to try to mind fuck me the way he was.

I grabbed my purse and jacket, racing from my apartment, intending to find out what the fuck was going on.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for reading and pimping and talking about this fic of a fic. I appreciate the support!

Some days I'm funnier than others, and today I woke up with a bit of snark in my bones, so here's another little update.

I hope you at least get a chuckle or two, as that's my main goal.

Enjoy.

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><p>Racing down the roads of Seattle, I grew more and more furious as the seconds passed. How dare this man, this arrogant excuse for a man, suggest such things? He must have me mistaken for a fool, because there was no way any woman in her right mind would fall for such a farce.<p>

A contract? For a job as ridiculous as a personal assistant? I should have known better. What the fuck kind of contract was that, anyways? I let my attraction blind my judgment; this inner angel of mine needed a swift beating. I'd take care of her after I told this asshole exactly what I thought of him.

Arriving at the tall, overly glutinous building that held his corporation, I took the elevator to the top floor. I pulled the door open as stomped my way up to the receptionist's desk.

"Mrs. Robinson?" I said as I flicked her name plate with my finger. "Could you be so gracious as to tell Mr. Grey that I'm here to see him?"

The woman behind the desk leaned back in her chair, looking up at me through fake eyelashes and too much eyeliner for a woman her age.

"And you are?" she asked, a bitter tone in her voice.

"I was here yesterday, for a job interview. My name is Bella Steele."

I held my head high and my hands at my hips as she looked me up and down like I was a grade A hooker. She said nothing for a moment, her lips pursed and her eyes squinted as she took me in.

"Like what you see?" I finally asked, sick of this old bitch giving me the once over, five fucking times.

Holding my angry gaze, she leaned over to pick up an envelope from the corner of her desk, holding it out for me.

"I was informed that you need to sign this before you are to see Mr. Grey again."

"What?" I spat, reaching forward to tear the envelope from her grasp. "I have to sign it before he'll even see me?"

She nodded, rolling her eyes as she turned her attention back to the computer in front of her.

I was steaming, annoyed at this old woman with a ridiculous name. I pulled at my hair, a habit of mine when I was about to go over the edge and flip out.

It was obvious that there was no other option. I had no other choice if I wanted to give this guy a piece of my mind. I was going to have to sign it now, and remember to tear it up later.

"Fine," I said, pulling the papers out of the envelope.

I rummaged through the first few pages, the words dominance and safe word making me snort with jest.

"Crazy Motherfucker," I said under my breath as I found the last page.

I looked around for a pen, not at all surprised when the only one around was in Mrs. Robinson's mouth, being chewed to death.

"Do you mind?" I asked, holding my hand out for the pen.

She made a disgusting sucking noise over the tip of the pen before she pulled it out of her mouth, smiling curtly.

"And the name fits," I said to myself.

I signed the paper quickly, shaking my head and muttering like a mad woman. The instant I lifted the saliva covered pen from the paper, Mrs. Robinson was on her feet and taking the contract from me.

"Hey!" I shouted as she took the papers and made her way around the desk. "I want those."

"All you had to do was sign. You have no need for them anymore."

She was next to me now, her hand on the small of my back as she pushed me towards a closed door. I dragged my feet a little, wanting the chance to get the papers back, but surrendering when I saw the door open and Mr. Grey step out.

Nipping at his heels was a small, white kick me dog with a diamond collar around its neck. The dog barked as it saw me, and I resisted the urge to bark right back. I stood there in awe as Mr. Grey bent down and picked up the white fuzzy dog, petting it gently.

"No, Charlie Bravo!" he said as he passed the dog off to the receptionist.

He must have noticed the surprised look in my eyes as I watched the dog growl obnoxiously by my side, because he snapped his fingers once and the dog stopped.

I looked up at him, my mouth still gaping open, slightly impressed at the control he had over such an obnoxious animal.

"Hello, Ms. Steele," he said dryly.

"You!" I shouted in response, pointing my finger into his face. "You have some explaining to do!"

"Would you please come in?" he said, ignoring my threats and my tone as if I'd just said nothing.

Standing tall in his expensive suit and designer shoes, he nodded at Mrs. Robinson before she gave me one final push into his office and closed the door.


End file.
